Let’s have a conversation by the water, shall we? Beginning here and now, you and I will meet with God and enter into his presence.
My journey into the wilderness began with a simple prayer for brokenness in October 2011. After reading a few key paragraphs from a book, followed by the statement in Luke 18:13b, “God, have mercy on me a sinner” and Jesus’ response to that statement, “For everyone who humbles himself will be exalted (Luke 18:14b NIV),” I remember distinctly thinking, “I want to live like that, humbled before the Lord.” I followed this revelation with a simple prayer, “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
For a while, I continued to pray for brokenness. I know brokenness is a difficult prayer, kind of like praying for patience. On one hand, you know it’s a good prayer which will make you more dependent on the Lord and transform your character so its more like his. On the other hand, you understand that transformation can be difficult and even that reality sparks a little fear in one’s heart…well, at least in mine.
Yet, I wanted to cultivate the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience (that’s one of my weaknesses), kindness, gentleness (another weakness sometimes, it’s conditional), goodness, faithfulness, and self control (Gal. 5:22).
I read a lot of scripture during those months and found myself in Matthew 5:3 which reads, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs in the kingdom of heaven.” As I prayed, I found myself asking God over and over again, “What is the poor in spirit?” But what we refer to as the Beatitudes of Matthew 5:3-10 includes a list of those persons who are blessed by God. I made a note to myself, “God will bless me if I am poor in spirit, mourn, meek, hungry and thirsty for righteousness, merciful, pure in heart, a peacemaker, and persecuted because of righteousness.” I want and need God to draw me closer to him so that I can live like the suffering servant Jesus in these areas.
I wanted to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn (Rom. 12:15). I did not want to do anything out of selfish ambition or vain glory but in humility, I wanted to consider others better than myself (Phil 2:3). I wanted to make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit and the bond of peace (Eph 4:3).
These were the areas where I meditated and prayed for months. The New Year came and all was going well in the world until my aunt died, my marriage was falling apart, and I got physically sick. I was under a spiritual attack and needed to take time to rest and prepare for war. In this broken condition, I entered an internship of prayer and fasting. The internship has recently ended but God is still speaking to me about so many of these topics, so I am going to share with you my reflections from the wilderness. I will occasionally drop other topics in on the blog, but will primarily focus on this series of Wilderness Reflections until God moves us to higher ground together.
Love and Blessings, Natasha
© Natasha S. Robinson 2012